This is Jack. Jack says “hi.”
After reading this article via Facebook entitled “To the Lady Ashamed of Being Pregnant With Her Fourth,” and a nerve was struck. It was was written from outside of the perspective of the pregnant mama and is based on an encounter the author had with her. As a pregnant fourth time mama, I have some perspective.
If you don’t already know, I have three sons ages 7, 5 and 2.5 and we literally can not go one day in public without an assembly line of generic comments from strangers. Yes they are all mine, no those two aren’t twins, they are 2.3 years apart, etc, etc…
The awkward conversation typically delves into them asking if I either wanted or will be “going for the girl.” While having a daughter is something that was very important to me, it is not in the cards, (so please keep asking). However, having all of one gender somehow seems to make it “okay” to have that next baby to the public at large. I’ve been granted the blessing to go forth and procreate probably hundreds of times by multitudes of strangers.
Now pregnant with our fourth, it wasn’t until the blood work came back around 9 weeks where we found out that we were having yet another boy that I felt those first pangs of shame. How could it not be a girl? The odds were in our favor but the sperm were not. When you have three boys and you’re pregnant for that fourth time, everyone is so hopefully you will “get your girl” if that is also what you are also hoping for. People are in your corner rooting for you and I had gone and let everyone down again. I honestly worried, what would people say now? What kinds of exhaustive comments would I be facing day in and day out now that we were a family with four boys?
I didn’t want to tell anyone. I couldn’t face it. I was ashamed.
I’m using past tense because in the weeks since I’ve decided to move past shame and to embrace this life as a mother of four boys. I chose the way of Melissa Joan Hart who I’ve watched proclaim in interviews her love of all things boy. To be a proud boy mom with no regrets who can not wait to meet the son who will complete our family and who couldn’t have asked for anything more. I hope the mom in the article was able to move on as well.
Now when people tell me I “gotta go for number five.,” (which they’ve already started doing) I promise to do my best to not thrash them about the head and neck.