Flashback: Mom of Boys

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I had no idea they were even there.

The last two years of non-blogging I practically never logging into my host site. While looking around the last few days, I found some random drafts that have been sitting unpublished. I don’t even remember writing them in my delirium. Since they are too good to let go, I will be posting them as Flashback posts.

Come take a trip down memory lane with me.

This one was written just over one year ago today… The boys were 1, 3 & 5.

I did not sign up for this.

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine¬†that I would wind up the mother of three male children. I thought two tops. Obviously there was a chance this would happen. Statistics were not in my favor. Maybe I should have taken my husbands prenatal declarations of “I only make boys!” more seriously.

What’s done is done but all I can say is what. the. hell.

I’m fairly easy going.

I account all of these boys being relegated to my care by the Universe to the simple fact that I’m what’s lovingly referred to as a “tom boy.”

I know how to do construction. Like actual real life laying of floors, nailing of roofs, demolition. Home Depot has always been my Macy’s.

I also happen to possess WAY more knowledge of superhero lore than I realized until my boys started questioning me on the differences between Beast and The Hulk and DC vs. Marvel. I’ve got all of the back story and low down on the heroes and the villains and much like my middle child, Batman is a favorite.

I’m a huge nerd when it comes to fantasy novels like Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and the Wheel of Time.

Farts are indeed funny.

However with three boys constantly farting. Constantly. Farting. I have found my proverbial line in the sand.

My house is so full of gas, it might explode the next time we try to light the candles on a Transformer birthday cake.

My house is all butts and these kids will go from fully dressed to asses out in a matter of seconds. Howling in laughter as I’m yelling at them to put their penises away.

Now that I have a “potty trained” three year old, I’ve also gained an enormous amount of urine, all over the bathroom. In the toilet, on the toilet, around the toilet. I now have to bleach the bathroom, every. single. damn. day.

And in a continuation of the toilet humor, everything is poop and I am frequently referred to as the most endearing “poopie mommy.”

My boys have never actually seen a WWE wrestling match but you would think body slamming and choke holds were wired into their DNA as they do them constantly and with wild abandon. For example while walking home from school right on the edge of busy streets.

Furniture is for jumping on and flipping off of.

I can not imagine how this behavior is going to progress as these boys get older but I will tell ya, I’m scared. Pray for me. Pray for them.

About The Author

I am a food allergy mama of 4 boys, a former fashion designer, and a master of the five point palm exploding heart technique, keeping it Fantastico.

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